Talking About Depression and Anxiety Disorder
The First Signs of Anxiety
Let me explain my experience a little bit further. The whole topic and also my medical history is somewhat complex. It begun insidious and slowly. So slowly that I today have problems to name exact months or even years of the beginning. Insidious is the right word. It started slowly but overran me hard. So, if I talk about the whole problem here on my blog in the future, I will talk about “timeframes” instead of exact dates.
Hard to explain it short. I am not even completely aware of the disease trigger today. There is still a lot speculation from my side but today I know that it doesn´t matter where it comes from as it is much more important to focus on recovery. But years ago my theory was that too many problems at a given timeframe, triggered the disease. That was my simple explanation for it. I lost my girlfriend, I lost a job, I begun with a new apprenticeship which did result in new stress, a lot of learning and there was trouble with other people and debts of companies I had to balance. There was a mix of stress, pressure to perform, separation anxiety, existential fear, sadness and more. I don´t explain each event further but I can say that the whole package of stress and problems might have been too much for me. There simply was a massive amount of trouble and all that came at the same time. This was always my theory but as said, it is just a theory.
How it started… I think it was seven, eight years ago or so. Like everyday I was sitting in the vocational business school and from one moment to the other I felt like if I would suffer from circulation problems, fatigue, dizziness and so on. I felt pretty mad. I waited for the school break and talked to my business economics teacher, that I feel sick and he said that I should better go home then to come back healthy next days. I leaved the school building on this day, went to the bus stop and now I felt like if I would be heavily nervous and soon I noticed breathing difficulties, hot flushes and my whole body started to shake and my heart was beating pretty fast. But the biggest problem was now that I thought I would choke. I thought I am short before a collapse or something like this and called the ambulance service with my mobile phone. And believe me if I say that I always said until this day, that something would need to hurt me hard, until I would call the ambulance on my own. But this was now that kind of league or comparable. The ambulance arrived and drove me to the hospital. This is how I remember my first anxiety attack but…
Not Accepting it
At that time I thought it is any other disease, as said I thought it would be something like a circulation collapse, a heart attack or what ever. In the ambulance car they did give me a breathing mask. In the hospital they did inject any kind of medicine into my arms, I am not sure. I now felt better and it took hours to wait for all the other checks like blood examination and a few other tests when I remember right. Hours later they said to me “Mister, it seems that you experienced a panic attack…” and they told me that I might suffer from anxiety disorder. I started to laugh and said “Wait a moment, you want to tell me I am mental ill?” and they explained that they could monitor me a few days to see. They also said that they did not find any physical problem and that they would not say it if there would not be a strong suspicion that I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder. Then I said “I´ll go home now!” and did so.
Today I know that it is hard to believe if someone tells you that there might be a mental problem. It seems that we humans tend to think that every physical symptom would mean that there is a physical problem. I didn´t want to realize that a mental problem can cause physical complaints. I had to experience more of those panic attacks and I had to visit more doctors than I have fingers on my hands, to recognize that they all are experts in their fields and that they would not tell me that I suffer from anxiety disorder, if there wouldn´t be the strong suspicion.
Talking About Depression and Anxiety Disorder Pages:
– Talking About Depression and Anxiety Disorder Part 1
– Talking About Depression and Anxiety Disorder Part 2
– Talking About Depression and Anxiety Disorder Part 3
– Talking About Depression and Anxiety Disorder Part 4
– Talking About Depression and Anxiety Disorder Part 5