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Talking About Depression and Anxiety Disorder

The First Signs of Anxiety

Let me explain my experience a little bit further. The whole topic and also my medical history is somewhat complex. It begun insidious and slowly. So slowly that I today have problems to name exact months or even years of the beginning. Insidious is the right word. It started slowly but overran me hard. So, if I talk about the whole problem here on my blog in the future, I will talk about “timeframes” instead of exact dates.

Hard to explain it short. I am not even completely aware of the disease trigger today. There is still a lot speculation from my side but today I know that it doesn´t matter where it comes from as it is much more important to focus on recovery. But years ago my theory was that too many problems at a given timeframe, triggered the disease. That was my simple explanation for it. I lost my girlfriend, I lost a job, I begun with a new apprenticeship which did result in new stress, a lot of learning and there was trouble with other people and debts of companies I had to balance. There was a mix of stress, pressure to perform, separation anxiety, existential fear, sadness and more. I don´t explain each event further but I can say that the whole package of stress and problems might have been too much for me. There simply was a massive amount of trouble and all that came at the same time. This was always my theory but as said, it is just a theory.

How it started… I think it was seven, eight years ago or so. Like everyday I was sitting in the vocational business school and from one moment to the other I felt like if I would suffer from circulation problems, fatigue, dizziness and so on. I felt pretty mad. I waited for the school break and talked to my business economics teacher, that I feel sick and he said that I should better go home then to come back healthy next days. I leaved the school building on this day, went to the bus stop and now I felt like if I would be heavily nervous and soon I noticed breathing difficulties, hot flushes and my whole body started to shake and my heart was beating pretty fast. But the biggest problem was now that I thought I would choke. I thought I am short before a collapse or something like this and called the ambulance service with my mobile phone. And believe me if I say that I always said until this day, that something would need to hurt me hard, until I would call the ambulance on my own. But this was now that kind of league or comparable. The ambulance arrived and drove me to the hospital. This is how I remember my first anxiety attack but…

Not Accepting it

At that time I thought it is any other disease, as said I thought it would be something like a circulation collapse, a heart attack or what ever. In the ambulance car they did give me a breathing mask. In the hospital they did inject any kind of medicine into my arms, I am not sure. I now felt better and it took hours to wait for all the other checks like blood examination and a few other tests when I remember right. Hours later they said to me “Mister, it seems that you experienced a panic attack…” and they told me that I might suffer from anxiety disorder. I started to laugh and said “Wait a moment, you want to tell me I am mental ill?” and they explained that they could monitor me a few days to see. They also said that they did not find any physical problem and that they would not say it if there would not be a strong suspicion that I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder. Then I said “I´ll go home now!” and did so.

Today I know that it is hard to believe if someone tells you that there might be a mental problem. It seems that we humans tend to think that every physical symptom would mean that there is a physical problem. I didn´t want to realize that a mental problem can cause physical complaints. I had to experience more of those panic attacks and I had to visit more doctors than I have fingers on my hands, to recognize that they all are experts in their fields and that they would not tell me that I suffer from anxiety disorder, if there wouldn´t be the strong suspicion.

Talking About Depression and Anxiety Disorder Pages:

Talking About Depression and Anxiety Disorder Part 1
Talking About Depression and Anxiety Disorder Part 2
Talking About Depression and Anxiety Disorder Part 3
Talking About Depression and Anxiety Disorder Part 4
Talking About Depression and Anxiety Disorder Part 5

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5

6 Comments »

  1. Wow (´⊙ω⊙`)!
    I have emotional disorders for over 2 years. Side effects of prescription drugs treat me very bad so I stop using them. I start using medicines from local plants and a vegetarian diet. It gets better. Now I’m a vegan and trying macrobiotics. I wish everyone can give macrobiotics a try because it’s really great! (just some problems when I’m hungry..)
    Take care, have a nice day and ready for the next challenge ┏((= ̄(エ) ̄=))┛

    • Yes, it seems that not everybody can stand antidepressants. Everybody must find the own strategy to fight the disease. I am happy that you found your own way and tools to get around with the illness. For all others who are still unsure, a doctor can inform about all methods and alternatives. Great that you found your tools already. Take care too please 🙂 We master all the challenges. 🙂 Thanks for your comment.

  2. I stumbled across this while googling bf4 settings! This is amazing and fits me to a tee! I forwarded it to my wife because she has been with me every step of the way! I’m currently with a physiatrist and adjusting meds.. like you they made me sleepy., but anyway, i’m not good at grammar and spelling, but i’m very glad you took the time to reach out and help! You have a gift of writing and having good sentence structure to get your point accross! I’m 45 and have been struggling since 1998! I’m on level 103 of bf4 because it seems to be my escape. However, I put so much time into it that( I think while playing) that i need to get outside!! I also have guitars and hobbies that have been put on the back burner! thank you! I may write back later to give more details of my medicines and problems I face!

    • Hey Anthony.Cool that you stopped by! I know which BF4 article you meant. Cool that you found my anxiety and depressiopn article on this way also.

      Agree with you about the meds. Adjusting is the right word. I think we must find out for ourself which meds work well without much side-effects. Takes some time but will be rewarding to go on. Good that you are on that path with your doc too. Today I think it´s not a shame… rather the opposite as it is good to fight the problems. And well, everybody has different own problems. We´re not alone with problems.

      Thank´s for the compliment about my writing. That is motivating me. That makes me happy as my native language is german. Good to know that my english is not too unreadable. I am sometimes afraid that people could think that my english is bad. But even then I would just try to improve. Writing in a different language is fun. Thanks for your feedback.

      You reached a good level in BF4. I am at level 39 but there are some other games and interests running parallel. I know what you mean with “escape”… games can give you some happyness. I would say hey helped me not to become desperate too. They are a great tool to divert from the illness. I wonder whats your favorite vehicle and what is your favorite set of weapons in BF4? And your favorite class? I love the recon and usually take the SKS as I love semi-automatic carbines and the sounds of the SKS shots are, well awesome 🙂 Alternatively I try different weapons or run around with the AKU-12 or similar weapons.

      Interesting that we not only have an similar issue, but also similar interests. Playing guitar is a hell of fun. Hope you find the right balance between your interests. I know that this is not that easy. I usually play and practice guitar 30 or 60 minutes a day. That might work for you too as there is still enough time for other interests then. And as you self said… you must also go out. It helped me a lot.

      Take care and keep cool Anthony. I am happy to hear that you try to fight the problems too. That means you show already strength and I think this motivation will work out great for us. 🙂

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