Fallen ill twice and a queasy conscience because of the job?
I had a pretty annoying cold over the holidays as I mentioned already. I still have lingering cough but it gets better now. I went outside today and met a neighbor and she told me that she is ill at the moment too. She said that it is horrible as she first had a sick note for her job because of a cold and now she has a sick note because of an infection of the middle ear. That means she is now ill two times in a row and that makes her worried because of her job.
I told her “If you get ill, you get ill… there is nothing you can do” and she answered “That is true, but I feel bad about that because of the job”. Isn´t it sad? I mean I can understand her as I experienced a similar feeling in the past when I was certified sick two times in a row but the bad conscience is only there because of the fact that there is pressure and expectations. I remember a situation when I was certified ill two times in a row in the past and I told it my boss at that time who said on the phone “Wait so that I understand, haven´t you already been ill two weeks ago?” in an undertone of mistrust. Sure, it is a bad coincidence if you get ill two times in a month but the fact that people suspect you lie is much more horrible in my opinion and that is where a queasy conscience comes from.
In other words,… this society seems to be more sick than you are if you have a cold or infection of the middle ear. Sounds hard? But that´s exactly what I mean. This kind of mistrust is abnormal and a sign where our society is. I say that because people expect you to perform even if you feel sick. Do you know what I thought in the past when my boss talked with me in this distrustful undertone? I thought “Hey fuck you, just fuck you!” simply because I hate that kind of general suspicion. It might be that there are some people who try to get a sick note just to get some free days. But I hate it if people suspect you do so as well. This is some kind of psychological pressure and pretty common in some companies here. As said, that is much more sick.
My neighbor reminded me today that I experienced this kind of bad conscience as well in the past. Not permitted to get ill and to be human, you must perform like a robot or machine. Insane, huh?