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A Story About Suicide

Let me say this first, you don’t have to worry about me, this story is not about me. I was actually not that sure what kind of headline I could use without shocking my readers that something is wrong with me. This story will be about suicide because one of my distant relatives has committed suicide weeks ago.

See the following also as a trigger warning, I don’t want you to have a bad day. The story is sad, if you had suicide in your circles, my story might trigger emotions. Or if you just don’t want to read a sad story now, you might skip the article as well. I just want to create awareness about this issue now.

To say it right away, I am always affected if I hear someone committed suicide, because you clearly make your thoughts how that can happen. So, in this case I was affected too, it’s just that I am not hit as I didn’t happen to one of my close relatives or close friends. Anyway, I think this is a very important topic.

My grandpa and grandma were much more close to the person I am talking about, I did just hear about it because of this reason. I know some people of the family but I can not remember that I ever met the person who committed suicide. But as others knew the person in my family, it was one of the biggest topics now.

Whenever I hear something about suicide, I get the impression that it must be extremely difficult to stop someone who plans to do that. Why? I heard tons of people saying things like “Life is just bad to me right now, if I perish one day all that trouble goes away” with sarcastic tone in the voice of course.

It’s either pure sarcasm or in many cases also a cry for help to get someone to listen. But here is the point, someone who is serious about committing suicide would never talk or write about this idea. The reason might be that if the decision is taken, they don’t want you to stop and help them, it’s part of the plan.

I say this because as in many cases you hear in the media, it was the same case with my distant relative as I heard now. Nobody in his family or circle of friends saw it coming. It was planned thorough on a way that people only noticed it when it happened. That is what makes it very difficult and sad.

Here is what I heard so far. He lived alone, he was a very busy person as I heard, he had his own company and it wasn’t uncommon that he wouldn’t find time for visitors. When time was there, appointments for family and friends were made, they met each other in cafes or anywhere else outside, but usually not at his home.

While this is not very uncommon for busy people or for those who prefer to meet outside, it turned out that this was a part of his plan. When he was found dead outside, the police also found first hints in his jacket pocket, a key ring together with a hint where the next notes will be found, at his home.

A team of investigators went to the home and found nothing except the promised notes. He did even sell every single item he had before he committed suicide, all the rooms were found empty. Now think about it again, why would he prefer to meet loved ones outside? How can you see that happen? It’s frightening.

He did put the money aside, money that was left over and money that was there due to the sold household items. He mentioned in the notes how it should be shared in the family, he did documented his last wishes carefully. My grandpa told me all this and I am shocked about the perfectionism and how thorough it was planned.

They found several notes for each of the very close family members such as daughter, sister, mother and so on. Every close person got a suicide letter, he did explain his decision to all of them. When I heard this, it made me go through the thoughts how bad it must have been to hold such a note in the hand and read it.

He explained his loved ones why he made this decision. I heard he had another disease, I think my grandpa mentioned the person had a heart attack once. But after years it seemed he would be ok again and he continued to do business with his company. People just thought life would go on for him, wrong conclusion.

He wrote in his suicide letter that he never felt healthy again, that he only told people everything is fine because he didn’t want to be a burden. He wrote he was used to do business, to move forward, to have success, but not to get help from others. He wrote that he realized that it’s not how the story ends.

I got the creeps. I heard that he wrote about financial problems due to the heart attack as he couldn’t take care about the company for a long time. He just did tell anybody that everything would be fine, that the employees did take care. It seems he didn’t want to let people assume that it’s not the case until now.

So, it seems he committed suicide because of existential fear. The story with the heart attack is very sad, but he went through great length to hide the problems, it makes it even more creepy. Because, in Germany we have a lot of possibilities, although our government is not perfect either, but there are some solutions.

You can get pension, especially in this case. We have other welfare programs, and finally I am very sure that family and friends would have supported him if he would just have mentioned how critical the situation was for him. I believe he couldn’t live with the fact that the things happened to him, that is sad.

Now I am talking about a person that I do at least know. Distant relative as well, but I know her better. It’s his sister, and now I will talk about the things that happen after a suicide. Of course it hit everyone close to him very hard, but she is now in a deep depression, not a medium but a severe depression.

The problem is she lost her husband a decade ago as he perished after a motorbike accident. She had already a severe depression due to that reason. Now she lost her brother as he committed suicide. We were told that it’s not the best moment to talk to her, that it’s a very bad moment for expression of condolences.

Grandpa said that her mother is still sad about the loss, but she is now much more focussed on her daughter which has a severe depression again. This is the aftermath. If someone decided to end his life, it won’t end all the trouble, for this person maybe, but all bereaved close ones will suffer heavily.

What is left is a suicide letter and money for the close relatives, but how does this help? It doesn’t. It’s not that someone decided to destroy his own life, he also decided to destroy the lives of every person close to him. When I hear about a suicide, I think it is so tragic, but it happens and we must be aware of this.

I do really wish people would mention their problems, life can come up with very difficult to master obstacles, but I do also believe that obstacles can be taken together, it’s just not working if someone made the decision already to go the other route. That makes it difficult, that is the tragic about suicide.

I feel very sorry for him. I feel now sorry for his family too, even if distant relatives, I feel sorry for anybody who has or had to go through something like this. I have not much more words, it’s just so tragic that not any of his closed ones or professionals were allowed to help. That is the tragedy about suicided.

9 Comments »

  1. That is a very sad story Dennis. It sounds as if your relative had planned his suicide for a long time. He must have been a very well organised person in life to have worked out all the details that way. It is a shame, he sounds as if he was afraid to go on and perhaps too proud to ask for help. It is hard to ask for help if you have always managed for yourself but sometimes it is necessary. I don’t like it either but that is a fact. My way of looking at it is that if I receive help from family or friends I will in turn help others who need it. If I receive help from the government, well I worked and paid tax so it is not as if I never contributed to welfare programs.
    The one thing that people who suicide don’t seem to realise is how hard it will be for the people they are leaving. It is not about money and even a letter will not help. They will feel depression and maybe guilt that they did not realise what was going on. I suppose that it is because when a person gets to that point they feel that they are worthless or a burden and that their loved ones would be better off without them. When I was young a friend of mine committed suicide. I had not seen her in a while and had no idea she was having such serious problems. She had kept that side of her life away from her friends. But I still felt guilty for a while thinking I should have called her more often. I hope that with care your relative’s sister will recover and start to enjoy life again.

    • I see it the same way, I find it easier to help than asking for help. When my social anxiety and depression was still very strong years ago, I needed help from family members (at some point it was to hard so that my mother had to buy food for me), it was hard to accept but finally, and I say this today, it helped me a lot to get back to the ground. I would help others too. Same for what you said about the system… we contribute and pay for the welfare, it’s not really a shame to take from it when needed. Although it’s hard to live with it if we need help, but as you say, it can get necessary.

      You make a good point… I think this person must have been that organized, autonomous or indipendent, that it was very hard to accept the opposite after the heart attack, You see that on the proudness to deny that the company got financial issues.
      I do understand how hard it must have been to accept, but I do think there are much better solutions than suicide.

      Yes, what is left are people who now feel guilty and think how they could have noticed or prevented it. It’s not really a big issue in our family right now, as I talk about very far away relatives, they do even live in another city, we did only see some of them a few times a year… which means I heard all the stuff from grandpa and it doesn’t sound good, I think these people go through a tough time right now and feel very guilty as I heard, yes.

      It’s good that you realized that you are not guilty, you are not guilty, nobody is in this case. I hope too that the sister of him will realize it. But so far it looks very bad from what I hear. I was even told not to make a phone call, you can not talk with her right now. Now she gets professional help… that is the chainreaction caused by her brothers suicide. Very sad. I hope too she will recover.

    • That is very sad Kay, my condolence. It hurts when something like this happens and I wish he would have allowed you to help, but often the friends and family don’t hear about the feelings as yuo say, it’s as if we are not allowed to help, they know their plan and don’t want to be stopped 😦

    • That’s so true Marco. Life can go either route… I wish this guy would have accepted help, but at least his sister is doing better now as I heard from my grandma. But I assume it’s just accepting the fact and moving on, but I can’t imagine that it’s as easy as it sounds.

        • As in this story or in many other suicide cases, there is no other way as they do their best that you can’t prevent it. I assume if you don’t accept that it happened, it will prevent you to move on.

          It’s very similar with (although not related to suicide but similar sad) what happened to my uncle and when he got the brain tumor diagnosis. I could be sad about this all-day, but I just accepted that the disease did hit him. It’s difficult, but If I would not accept the situations, I would fall into a depression, and I would not be of great help for him or myself. It definitely froze my mind for several weeks, and it definitely still affects me… but I stopped to think about the “Why?” because I realized the question is a Teufelskreis and slows me down.

          I think with time we learn some things. I can’t count anymore how often life did put obstacles in my way, or how often bad stuff happened around me that affected me as well. It taught me some lessons… what you wrote previously, that’s one of the lessons I learned and started to accept… You said…

          “Life isn’t always a bowl of cherries”

          This is it. Our time can be very beautiful, but the complete opposite can be the case too. There are issues that can be solved, there are issues that are harder to solve, and there are those that we just can accept. I think it’s normal that certain incidents can make us fall to the ground for a long time, but at the end, there is only one way to get back up… working to solve the problem, or accepting it, if it can’t be done.

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