The Late Funeral
Last Thursday, we’ve been on the funeral of my uncle who died two months ago. Yes, you did read that right, he died two months ago and the funeral was just now. Quite late. His wife left him after he got the brain tumor diagnosis, and I never really wrote about it a lot. Mainly because it’s material for a whole book, and it would take me a long time to write about it in detail. You can’t imagine how much trouble she caused him and us. Today we talk about the things that happened on a way, that if this would have been a movie, you and everyone else would have said “What a dramatic story, but it’s a movie, stuff like this doesn’t happen in real”. But oh, it does happen. We had to deal with a narcissist, his wife. Excuse me if I made you curious and if I don’t tell you the whole story yet, that’s not what my post will be about, because as said, I would need to write the amount of words you are used to in a book. It might happen that I write about this in more detail, or maybe not if I think I am just done with the whole story. Writing is for me also about processing things that happened. But sometimes you just want to close a file. With that said, it might happen or not that I will write about it in detail, it depends. For now I just want to speak about it in general without much details, and then close the file for a while.
What I want to say in this post again is that his narcissist wife caused so much trouble, it’s unbelievable. It would really be a book, believe me. Even if she left him prior to his death, her last act was to delay the funeral as long as possible. But somehow the pastor managed it to make it happen. That day was last Thursday and of course his (not divorced) wife wasn’t present. We actually hoped that she wouldn’t be present, but she caused so much trouble that it would have been bad for her either way. If she would have had the courage to come to the funeral, quite a lot of people would have pointed with the finger at her. Not being there was equally bad, because it reminded every one of her evil actions prior to his death. It’s not her fault that my uncle got the brain tumor, but the sad truth is the way she treated my uncle was equally bad. The sad truth is, he had to fight cancer two times at once, the brain tumor in his head, and the cancer that is his narcissistic wife.
Fortunately my uncle lived with us in the last year because she threw him out of the apartment. It sounds sad, but when I look back I see how this was good, because she had zero empathy and whenever I visited them, I just realized how bad she treated him. The brain tumor caused him not to understand what just happened. But we made sure that his last time was as good as possible.
I knew for quite some time that he was unhappy with his wife, but now we all know why. I think sooner or later they would have been divorced, he even thought about this. It’s just that the brain tumor diagnosis was suddenly there. No matter how much trouble his wife caused, I know life is not just about one person. He met a lot of good persons, his friends, his family. He lived his life to the fullest, from holidays, to driving motorcycle with his friends, starting his own small company, camping in the nature and so much more. What happened in his last years is sad, and it’s haunting, but I know before that he had a really good time. I remember him as a very happy person who was in love with life. Everyone liked him and it took him just minutes to make everyone around him wanting to know him. He was outgoing, he offered help when he noticed someone needed it. He loved dogs and even if he always smiled, his dogs could make his eyes blaze. He taught younger kids in the family things he was interested in. He was as curious as I am and tried photography, played computer games with me together and there was almost nothing that he didn’t want to check out. It’s just that at the end, literally, he had the wrong life partner on his side. But he had us, the family, we never left his side, the disease just took him away from us.
It’s a paragraph and in no way will I do him justice with a few sentences, because his life was exciting. Some day I will write a separate post about him, talking about his good moments, because I want that people know who he was. It’ll make me feel good, because he will not be forgotten. We will always have him in our heart. Even a super long post will not explain his life, but my blog is about my life and he belonged to my life. He actually inspired me in many ways. There are things in my life I might not have found interest in, if I wouldn’t have known him. As I always said, he was my uncle, but also one of my best friends. Despite the tries of his wife to exclude people from the funeral she didn’t even want to visit on her own, there have been many people. I was so happy that so many people thought about him and came to honour him. It’s strange to say this when you speak about a funeral, but in a way it was a beautiful day, because I realized he made so many people happy that they all wanted to be there, honouring him. And then you see they were his friends and they made him happy too when he was still there. It was touching, for example when his best friend Thomas froze when he touched his picture and lowered his head, when grandma started to cry after the music started or many other moments. Including the fact that many of his friends from other cities came too. It was the first funeral I ever been to, but we went through so much that this was the needed closure for me.
Since he died two months ago, and I wrote about this already, you can say that we’ve been over it already. Mainly, because you need to look forward or you fall into a hole. But also because as I said often, when the doctors said he would be terminal ill, that was the real shock we had to cope with early. Not everyone experienced it that close and early. Like one of my cousins who got tears in the eyes during and after the funeral , she said “I was sad whenever you told us what was going on, but today, the moment I saw his picture on the altar, it hit me harder”. They didn’t hang around together often, they met each other during family meetings and they wrote each other regularly, thanks to the mobile world that keeps us all connected. But these aren’t insignificant moments either. As said, in a way the funeral was beautiful because I saw how many people cared but since his wife delayed it for a long time by refusing to give signatures or doing paper work, it was also sad because it prolonged a wound that still needed to be closed. Everyone was upset about her. Yes, you need a closure, and now I understand a funeral isn’t something religious even if it looks like it is, no it is just the closure people need, and the honour the deceased person deserves. That doesn’t mean we will forget him, until our last breath we won’t. We will remember him.
I said it already after he left us, but I say it again. Rest in Peace my uncle, you’ve been a very good friend.