Letting my Lawyer off the Leash

I visited my lawyer this Friday as my wife is not very cooperative with me when it’s about our child. I have only seen my daughter once and I barely get any information. She will have something in the mailbox next week. My lawyer doesn’t want to escalate things yet but he certainly can do write in a more escalating way in the future and even suggests this in the case of a spouse with a personal disorder (borderlines/narcissists), especially if they don’t stop being high-conflict, as the pressure sets them up for mistakes and dysregulated behavior.

For now he will go easy, I will need to communicate basics about our baby with her in the future. But I promise you, my wife will unblock me next week and complain about the letter of my lawyer anyway, I am not good at legal English, so excuse how I translated the German letter. He had a lot of time for me again, we talked two hours and I am happy with his draft too…

My client has mandated me to protect his interests. Attached you will find the power of attorney that legitimizes me. Among other things, my client has asked me to support him related to parenting issues and your daughter.

According to the information I have, you’re not granting my client contact to his daughter. Only on the occasion of getting signatures for an application, you allowed my client to see his daughter for 10 minutes in the hallway. You blocked further requests for contact and communicated via youth welfare service that my client can only see his daughter in your attendance and in the presence of a third person of your family, according to my clients understanding, your mother. A reason for such strict rules is not known.

My client doesn’t just want to see his daughter, he in fact wants to maintain frequent contact. This corresponds to the child’s well-being. Reasons why such common contact shouldn’t be realized, are not visible.

Without prejudice for the situation and legal position, it may be acceptable for a transitional period that you’re present during the contact between your husband and his daughter, provided that you facilitate an uninfluenced and untroubled contact between them. This means, you should keep due distance and give my client the time, peace and chance for interaction with his daughter without any interference. In particular, and this is very important for your daughter and corresponds to common contact rules, you shouldn’t distract her so that she has the chance to get to know her father. This is very important for the development.

On the part of my client, it’s suggested that he will see his daughter on Monday, Wednesday and Saturday from 3 pm to 4 pm. He suggests that this could either happen at your home or his current address. Of course, weather dependent, it would make sense that the contacts could also happen outside.

I therefor ask you for a statement within a week.

Next, I want to communicate that my client is open to talk with you in a counseling center (mediation) with the aim to shape the contact arrangements further and to clarify other questions. The youth welfare service mentioned you’ve been informed about this suggestion. I am asking you for a notice if you already contacted the place for an appointment.

I want to stress that my client is co-holder of the parental custody. Despite corresponding requests, you haven’t shared custody relevant information related to your daughter with my client.

My client was quite disconcerted to realize that you did not even tell him about the birth of your daughter. He learned about the birth exactly 4 days later from third-parties.

Within the above mentioned period of a week, my client demands information about all check-ups that have taken place, including copies of all medical reports. With that said, he also needs to know the attending pediatrician. Further, he is asking you if any health problems have been noticed with your daughter or if any issues occurred.

Further, he asks for a copy of the birth certificate of your daughter.

Kind regards


8 thoughts on “Letting my Lawyer off the Leash

  1. Wow. Her refusals will eventually get her in a lot of legal trouble. Whether she likes it or not, she must allow you visitation with the child. That is what happened to me many years ago, Dennis. So sad, I hope the mother will start being an adult and deal with this situation like she should because had her part in this mess of course.

    1. I am sorry you went through this too. It’s so painful to deal with such people.

      Legal troube… I think so. Even my lawyer saif after going through the ton of my pages, that it’s going to be a funny case. He expects her to make more mistakes. He knows such cases. He was hopeful because such people make mistakes over mistakes and eventually even lose custody… at the same time he prepared me for the worst, such people can come up with the craziest false accusations.

      Meanwhile my lawyer also wrote a draft for the youth welfare service. He doesn’t understand a few things, for example why they support my wife with such strict rules. He also wants to know if they even read all the things I send them… he’s wondering why they don#t become active. Then he wants a statement from them why they didn’t support me as the father with the contact to my daughter, despite me asking them to do so… he said, they could have called my wife and set up quick provisionally contacts… so that I would have been able to see my daughter a few times. He demands a statement from the authorities now.

      I like this dude. He also explained everything to me, what is behind certain sentences he writes… he is for example fishing for the false accusations, that someone, my wife or the youth welfare service writes it down… next step would then be that he wants them to prove it, or it’s defamation… that’s the type of lawyer I need… someone who tells my wife to put her psychotic ideas on paper so that we can fight it.

      It seems off to him that youth welfare just ignored all my reports (probaby 30+ pages or more) while saying “yes amen” to anything my wife says but can’t prove. Thus, my lawyer has the youth welfare service on the radar now too (laugh).

      1. I’m glad that you have an attorney that you like, that’s so important. All of this is going to take a long time to play out so tighten your seatbelt. It will eventually end though.

        1. Yes, I am prepared that this will a long time to play. For now, she will get the message that I won’t watch from the sideline, will fight for my and my daughters rights. That she will have contact to her father.

    1. Yes. I’m much happier with him than with the one I had in January.
      And when I get appointments he really takes his time. Of course we communicate digitally or by phone too, but we had two meetings and the first one he had almost 3 hours time for me… the second one on friday, he had 2 hours for me. The other one usually had 20 minutes for me and looked annoyed. Same for paper work, I can give my new lawyer 10 newly printed pages and he goes through it, sometimes even during the appointment and marks things for him… the other one told me “Nah, I don’t think we need more, we should concentrate on what we already discussed”. Such a difference.

      My new lawyer will also write the youth welfare service as he can’t grasp a few things…

      1. He wants a statement from them, why they are supporting the idea that I should see my daughter only with a third-party. He wants an explanation why this would be necessary.

      2. He wants to know if they didn’t just read my reports, he wants to know if they evaluated the informations I gave them. (because it seems like they didn’t)

      3. It’s common that the youth welfare service mediates and helps setting up at least provisionally contacts/visitations until parents come to a more shapeed agreement. He wants to know why they didn’t help, despite me asking for support.

      So, yeah… this dude is really really good. It will be a fight nonetheless but so far I am happy with this lawyer and feel good with him.

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